Atone
Excerpts from: How To Atone, part three of a three part series.
To atone is to right our wrongs by acknowledging our mistake, taking corrective action through amends, and embracing the goal of not repeating the same mistake again. Part one of this series covers the necessity of apology in the process of atonement. Part two gives specific examples of three different apologies. Part three is the comprehensive breakdown of the seven steps that are the most effective and healing. These steps were created from a mixture of the best psychology has to offer, spiritual practices around the globe (without the necessity for specific religious affiliation or attachment—in other words, accessible for agnostics and atheists as well as religious), and well-earned degrees from the school of hard knocks. To borrow a phrase from 12 step programs, “It works if you work ’em;” and these steps toward atonement work.
Atonement Forgiveness
The seventh step of atonement is to ask for forgiveness. We gain forgiveness by asking for it and offering ourselves forgiveness in the process. If the person is unable to forgive us at this time, we can respectfully accept their decision, forgive ourselves, and move on.
The act of asking for forgiveness is a personal preference that falls under the golden rule of do unto others as you would have them do unto you. For some, to ask for forgiveness is to further burden the person we are apologizing to, who we have harmed, and are apologizing to with a request they may not feel we deserve. For others, asking for forgiveness is an invitation to the one who was harmed to be unburdened and invite healing, for the act of forgiveness is ultimately for the person who forgives, and not for the person being forgiven, as forgiveness does not equal an invitation to be hurt again.
Forgiveness is the act of letting go of how we wished things had been and moving forward. Forgiveness is not always a black and white statement—a green light to go or a red light of refusal. Sometimes, forgiveness sounds like this, “Apology accepted; access denied.” Meaning, the person forgives you but has also moved past you. They are neither holding a grudge or resentment toward you, nor a place for you to re-enter their lives again. Their boundaries are protecting them from the lack of trust they have in you, so while the bitterness may be healed the sweetness of connection is no longer offered.
An added benefit of asking for forgiveness is having a clear understanding of the status of the relationship. Does it move on as before? Or does it just move on? Part of asking for forgiveness is an opportunity to offer closure and communicate clearly—as the lack of clear communication is often what creates harm in the first place.
When we atone for our mistakes, we heal, and we help to heal others. We repair the damage we caused or created and leave the world a bit better. We clear our conscience, dissolve our shame, forgive ourselves, and are often forgiven by others. Most of all, atonement offers us the opportunity for spiritual evolution, to elevate the quality of our time on this planet by enriching our relationships with humanity and grace.
— © Sage Justice 2022
To read the full Three-Part Series on: How to Give a Highly Effective, Heartfelt, Honest Apology in Seven Simple Steps please visit SageJustice.Substack.com and consider a paid subscription or free seven day trial.
Sage Justice, author of “Sage Words FREEDOM Book One.” If you’d like to read more pieces like this, please check out the book on Amazon, monthly articles at SageJustice.Substack.com, videos on YouTube (Sage Words: Almost Everything You Need to Know), inspiration on IG @SageWords2027, website and the podcast: Sage Words (Apple & Spotify). A like and follow on the Sage Justice, author page, on facebook is greatly appreciated. Thank you.